How to finally change habits without failing?

Have you ever started a new habit or project with immense enthusiasm and a strong sense of commitment, only to abandon it after some lapse or failure?

Did you feel defeated and beat yourself up because you should be able to do it...?

but something is just wrong with you - maybe your character or your willpower?

You already know that there are an overwhelming amount of books and tools and strategies to form new habits and stick to them, like James Clear's Atomic Habits or B.J. Fogg's Tiny Habits.

The strategies by themselves do not guarantee success. They require us to work. They require that:

  • We have the ability to move through the momentary feelings or thoughts that get us to lapse in the first place,
  • We have the ability to address the beliefs and perspectives that get in the way, and
  • We have the ability to stick through the commitments of change and constantly learn from the process.

The Self, your Self, is much bigger and much more powerful than Strategy. Do you see that?

Genuine self-evolution must come in tandem with strategy if you want to change your habits without failing.

So how do you do it??

Here are five ways to get you to work (and finally create successful habits)

  1. In Lisa Lahey' Immunity to Change, she found it takes 6-12 months to create a permanent change. This is a helpful guiding belief to have as it gives you a nice, long runway without judgment. If you're in a rush to get results, at the first lapse or setback, you might be triggered to just up and quit.

  2. Write down on a scale of 1-5, how important is it for you to make this change? Any scores of 4/5 or 5/5 level of importance to you are worth your time. If new habits or changes are being pushed on you by others, and you don't think it's important, then this is why they likely fail.

  3. When you're experiencing momentary feelings or thoughts that can get you to lapse like, "I don't feel like it" or "this isn't working" -- LABEL THEM AS "CRAPPY THOUGHTS".

    Your ridiculously programmed brain and old mindset is offering you really crappy thoughts that you would reject if your executive team proposed them to you. Really? You don't feel like in CFO or COO or Board Member?! Challenge this crap!

  4. After you've challenge them, Mind the Gap and pause what you're doing. You shouldn't take any action here. Don't even do the thing you wanted to do!! Just pause in the space.

    The crappy thought probably came with some crappy emotions like anxiety, worry, overwhelm, apathy, distraction. Acknowledge and allow those emotions to pass so they don't influence your behaviors in the moment. Your emotions are not who you are.

  5. Encourage Yourself, please! Say things like, "I am getting myself to work. I am noticing the weird stuff that's getting in the way, nice! I'm becoming more self-regulated and I can see how it's better for my team/kids/colleagues. I will keep this up because the small stuff is working."

    Encourage the weird little experiences that are happening on the path to changing yourself and creating a new habit. These little things are going to add up to the moment that one day, in that beautiful desired future of yours, where you've finally changed a habit and succeeded!!


To close, Eckhart Tolle said we have two purposes in life. One is to become enlightened; to grow and evolve ourselves.

Working on yourself is part of your purpose and it will influence how well you do your second purpose: which is to bring your growth and Self evolution to others in the form of your professional work, parenting, service to others, and how you treat people at the grocery store.

When you evolve, your company can reach new heights. Your team's potential can be unleashed. Your partner and spouse and kids and family get the best of you. And most of all, you get to truly love and appreciate the real you.

Keep evolving.

Please email me at and tell me a habit or change you've been meaning to make but just haven't seemed to do. I'd love to hear your story and reply with some specific ideas and coaching questions for you.

Lots of love,

xx Tracey

CEO, Co-Founder and Master Coach with Liv.Lit!

PS Get coaching on your Self evolution to reach incredible goals and heights in this lifetime.  Apply for an Intro Coaching Call